Keeping Romance Alive

A marriage, just like any living thing must be nurtured. A relationship is very similar to a plant. Plants must be cared for and maintained. They must be given healthy doses of nourishment, water and sunlight. Otherwise they will wilt, wither and die.

It borders on insanity to think that a plant can continue to grow and produce without proper attention and elements. It is even more insane to think that a marriage can remain healthy and romantically alive without the same attention and nourishment.

And yet, for so many relationships, nourishment is an afterthought rather than a consistent habit. It might or it might not happen. And if it does happen it is often so infrequent that it fails to make any real difference in the starved relationship.

In addition to its absence, in many relationships it fails to even be a subject of discussion. It is just accepted that the relationship is “OK” or boring or hurting but it is better than nothing. Or it is better than a lot of others relationships we know about.

What a miserable way to exist. What a poor substitute for something that is intended to be so fulfilling and healthy. What a sell out to mediocrity. What a shame.

Granted, marriage is work. Marriage is hard. Relationships are demanding and challenging. They stretch and require of us far more than we ever envisioned giving.

But they are intended to be satisfying and growing. They are designed to be healthy and fulfilling. They are meant to be a pleasure rather than a burden.

So the question becomes, how do you keep the romance in the relationship? Are their any keys or secrets to nourishment and nurturing? What works and what is to be avoided?

Someone emailed a brief formula to me earlier this week that they learned very early in their relationship.

Depart Daily (5-10 minutes of real conversation)
Withdraw Weekly (date night)
Retreat Regularly (get away alone together)

So please help our readers discover some new and refreshing ideas for keeping the romance alive in their relationship. What are some things you have done or continue to do? What are some different things you might have done at different stages in your marriage?

You are even invited to share things you have tried that bombed. Or ideas you heard about but have never tried yourself. We just want some ideas and help.

We are thirsting for ways to nurture the most important relationship we have as we exist in a world that will kill that relationship if we are not on our guard and intentional about moving against the prevailing tide.

While our kids were at home, Sharon and I became fans of Bed and Breakfasts. We would secure child care and at least once or twice a year we would run away to one even if it were in the same town we lived in. One time Sharon blindfolded me and drove me around for about an hour to keep me from knowing our destination. We ended up at a gorgeous B & B about five miles from our house. What a romantic get away that was!

I hesitate to share this one with you but I think it has something to do with romance. Last night Sharon asked me if I would remove the old polish from her toes. She said I could do a better job of it than she could. I was so tired and I just said there is no way I could. I was going to sleep ASAP.

Well, this morning I had to leave early to go to a meeting on the West End. Before I left the bedroom I whispered in her ear, “If your toenails aren’t done by tonight I will give you a pedicure. Do you think they will be done by the time I get home? When pigs fly!

By the way, ask your wife if she would consider a pedicure to be a romantic act. Would you dare to share her response?

Here are a couple links to a great website and a great article that are guaranteed to enhance your romance.

http://www.romanceinmarriage.org/

http://www.christianitytoday.com/mp/2004/002/4.22.html

Now, what ideas can you share?

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2 thoughts on “Keeping Romance Alive

  1. Date nights are a must- unfortunately we do not get them weekly but at least 1-2 a month. Enjoying time with your partner even if it is not doing YOUR favorite thing but his and vice versa. I have learned to appreciate, and learn alot about four-wheel drives and cars in my 19.5 yrs of marriage.
    Bed and Breakfasts sounds like something we need to try!
    Lots of talking thorough out the day even if it is on the phone, or leaving a simple message- “was thing about you”, “I love you” the latter is one we say several times a day, usually everytime we get off the phone, leave to go to work or anywhere else. Communication is key– and being spontaneous doesn’t hurt either.

  2. I think knowing your spouse’s “love language” is key, too. If you don’t know what yours or your spouse’s is then ready (maybe together) The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. Because yours if gifts and his is works than what you like might not be what he likes.

    I, also, do the notes of love for my husband. Not enough, but have found that he has kept them over our 15+ years of marriage. I didn’t realize how much they meant to him until I found them one day…carried with him in his lunch box to work. So the “little” things do mean alot.

    As far as date night…what is that? Definitely not something we do enough. You DO need to continue to date your mate. And compromise. Ouch. That’s a tough one. You can’t always get YOUR way. Do put his/her needs first. Don’t you put your children’s needs before your own? Well?? Same with your spouse.

    Looking forward to the service Sunday!

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